So, I Have Been SUPER Convicted Today!!!!!

I have gotten so bogged down in the crap that people are throwing my way lately that I have let myself become super-negative.

So, then I read this blog yesterday about a friend's struggles with fertility. And SHE is uber-positive and completely relying on God. She wrote about patience, waiting, longing. Her prayer, though, is what pushed me over the edge - instead of praying for her own will, she & her husband have chosen to pray this prayer: "God let my heart be content if your will is not the same as my will... as your will is done."

WOW

And here I am praying for a truck to hit my ex-husband.

CONVICTED!!!!

Then, I reread Chapter 6 through the end of Crazy Love.

I know I have been sinning (see my above prayer).... But I had just about gotten to the point where I was OK with that - I mean, I am entitled and justified in my anger, right? Whoa - I am treading on dangerous ground there!!!

So, then I read this:

"You have to stop loving and pursuing Christ in order to sin."

WOW - that hit me hard, too.

I have let myself get so wrapped up in my own anger, my own personal feelings, my own troubles, that I have stopped pursuing Christ. I realized that I had not read my Bible at all this week. I have not spent much time in prayer. And the time that I have spent in prayer has been praying for MY will to be done.

Then tonight, Mark shared something during Coffee Talk (Wednesday night church thang - lol). I am paraphrasing bc I cannot remember exactly, but basically ....

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change,
the courage to change the people I can,
and the wisdom to know that those "people" are me.....

Really, I can only change ME - my behavior - and I can only do that with God's help. I cannot change David, I cannot change my grandmother's illness, I cannot change Kaileigh's birth family. I can only ask that God help me to accept those things and help me change MY reactions, MY feelings, MY behavior..... I can only ask that God grant me contentment if His will and mine differ.

Whew.......................

Our church's annual auction for the children's ministry is finished for another year. That has taken up most of my time this week. But I have some funnies....

Hunter - "Mom, I changed my mind."
Me - "About?"
H - "Learning to drive in your car."
Me - "Really now?"
H - "Yep, I guess I can learn to drive in it."
Me - "Why did you change your mind?"
H - "Because I realized you're the one who will be letting me drive and I don't want you to mess up my new car."
Me - "The car you don't have?"
H - "Yeah"
Me - "Brilliant"



Hunter - (In the middle of me telling him to DO his chores) "I want to go live with Dad."
Me - (trying to maintain calm & not panic over this yet) "Ok"
Hunter - "But I can't go live with Dad"
Me - "Ok"
Hunter - "Dad doesn't have wireless internet & MiMi (Hunter's grandmother) won't let him get it"
Me - "So if your dad had wireless internet, you would want to go live with him?"
Hunter - "Yeah"
Me - "You want me to call Comcast & get that hooked up for you?"
Hunter - "That was supposed to make you let me off the hook for my chores."
Me - "Sorry, buddy, doesn't work that way."



Kaileigh - "Mommy, I had lunch with the mayor yesterday" (Keep in mind, she is 6 and yesterday could be today or could be 3 months ago - she has NO concept of actual time.)
Me - "Cool - why did you have lunch with the mayor?"
K - "MOM - because I am sooooooooooooooooooooooo awesome!"
(I did discover it was bc she was student of the month in February - and the lunch was actually in February. Why she thought of it this week, who knows.......)





Our pastor is sooooooooooooo anti-credit and debt, so this was hilarious to me. After our auction was over last night, we had several things that did not sell and so he decided to buy 2 golf packages for the minimum......
He scoped out all the cashiers & skipped me ON PURPOSE (I am sure of this!)....
"Hey, I want to buy these, but I don't have any cash & my wife has the checkbook."
So, our anti-credit pastor bought stuff on credit..... I guess he is good for it! lol

I found it amusing!!!!! And I *did* give him a hard time about it.......

Mini-Vacation

I decided today to take the kids on a mini-vacation.

We are leaving tomorrow.

We are going to Chattanooga, staying at a hotel with an indoor pool & planning to visit the Aquarium and either the zoo or ride the incline railway or something.....

My kids are hard bc of the age difference. But this was sort of Hunter's idea - really...... he is a good kid!!!

Pictures to come this weekend!!!!!

To Coupon or Not to Coupon.....

There has been a lot of talk about coupons around me lately - on FB & IRL - I am also on a couple of shopper boards where they talk about couponing A LOT. To be honest - I am intimidated by the idea of it. I used to dabble, but these folks are talking about the stores paying them to take groceries home!!! lol

Soooooo.....

I have been examining my spending & my grocery spending in particular. Food is a HUGE part of our budget. Keep in mind I am a single mom with only a part-time job (working 16 hours a week) and 2 kids.... Our grocery budget is approximately $300 a month plus school lunches We have a separate dining out budget.....

So I went back to the past to see what I have done to keep our grocery spending in check...

When I was a stay at home mom (and foster mom), I made my grocery list by the ads. I would shop ONLY the sales (mostly the BOGOS & %offs) at Food World & Winn Dixie (our only local grocery stores at the time) and buy the bulk of the rest of it at Wal-Mart. It seemed that it took a tremendous amount of time & energy.

When we went to the Boys' Ranch, we had 2 buildings full of staples & donations. So my budget for groceries was $10 per person in the house per week. Basically enough for bread & milk. I got out of the habit of the marathon grocery shopping trips!

When we came back from the Ranch, I had to go back to work. I discovered Aldi & have religiously shopped there for 2 years. It keeps my budget in check & I have only found a few things that we would not eat from there. It also takes an hour or so to shop. I do sometimes have to pick up the odd item from somewhere else since their selection is a bit limited.

So today, I had some time. I already had my grocery list & menu. I did not adjust my menu at all - just glanced through the sales papers to see what I could find that fit our menu.....

Here are some things we are planning to eat for the next couple of week - budget is $150 for 2 weeks:
Cheesy Pasta Casserole
Crock Pot Sticky Chicken & Rice
BBQ Pork Chops with Mashed Potatoes & veggies
Farmer's Pork Chops (YUMMY - Paula Deen recipe - need I say more?????)
Grilled Pork Chops & Rosemary Potatoes
Chicken Paprikash
Chicken Fried Rice
French Bread Pizzas
Taco Pinwheel
Chili
Nachos
Loaded Baked Potato Soup
Jambalaya
Sloppy Joes
Chicken Pot Pie (Probably inside-out style)

I went to Food World & bought 6 pounds of chicken thighs, 2 bags of french fries, 2 pounds of smoked sausage, a pound of breakfast sausage & 2 loaves of french bread - grand total $21.04. They don't put the savings on the receipts anymore, so I don't know exactly how much I saved there but I estimate it was about $10.

I went to Winn Dixie & bought 2 packs of Little Sizzlers (I LOVE those things - no clue why, but I do), 5 pounds of boneless pork chops, a head of cabbage, 2 packages of shredded cheese, 4 packages of tortillas, 6 cans of ravioli or spaghetti (for after school snacks) and 10 pounds of red skinned potatoes (which I did find out that I could have gotten at Aldi for less this week - grr). I spent $33.33 & saved $23.89.

THEN, I went to Aldi. I bought all my canned items (tomatoes, corn, tomato sauce, tomato paste, mushrooms, broths, etc), sour cream, milk, tea bags, hot chocolate, several different pastas, different rices & rice mixes, 3 tubs of parmesan cheese, cream cheese, apple juice, bell peppers, oranges, onion 2 pounds of boneless chicken breasts. I spent $58.45 for 10 bags of stuff!

Makes my grand total SPENT $112.82 and just under 2 hours in 3 stores..... I "saved" $34.

I also came in $37.18 under budget which I plan to blow on Easter Candy! lol

I have enough groceries for at least 2 weeks - possibly 3 or more since I bought extras of lots of items.....I also bought some convenience items that I don't usually buy since the kids are home for spring break.


So for now - no coupons for me.....

Today is Friday....

and yet again, I am SERIOUSLY considering quitting my job!!!

I love my customers.

I love the actual work - difficult enough to be challenging, easy enough to be .... well, easy.....

I am so tired of the politics & the yah-yah & the back-biting & the nastiness....

Then again....

The money is decent.

I only work 2 days a week.

I need to work so that I do not constantly obsess over everything else.....

If it were not for the fact that my kids kind of like food, I definitely would have quit this morning!!!!! I wonder if I could convince them to go on an all-water diet.....

Even Though Parenthood is Hard.......

I have been praying for a long time about Kaileigh's sibling...... since her birth mother says she is pregnant at least once a year, I have been praying about the decision whether or not to foster or adopt the baby or babies that she has for 6 years......

Now that she is actually pregnant, the decision seems harder. My situation has changed - I am a single mom - dealing with two semi-absent fathers to my other kids. I know my family will NOT be supportive about the idea - my parents already told me I was crazy for even considering it.

I know I am crazy for even considering it.

AND I know that this child could be a HUGE blessing for another family who has been praying for a child for a long time. I know that he/she would be adopted quickly and easily. I know that there is a Mommy and a Daddy out there who would be sooooooooo thrilled to have this precious gift.

BUT......

I know the birth family (at least the maternal side)....
Kaileigh is the only sibling this tiny baby has (half or not)....
It is generally preferential to keep siblings together....
Kaileigh would NEVER forgive me if she knew I had the opportunity to have she & her sibling grow up together and I did not do it....

I have been praying for 6 years and the answer hit me this morning like a ton of bricks. God said, "You are this child's Mommy."

If DHR gets involved with this baby, I may have to fight them, but I will take the baby for whatever amount of time it is - foster or adopt. God put this on my heart for a reason - I don't know what the reason is, but He is sovereign in my life, so I have to trust Him that I can do it.

Pray for me and Kaileigh and Hunter and our new tiny blessing........

I think I may be sick!

Parenthood.....

My mom says that the worst arguments she & my dad ever had were about me (well, me & my youngest brother, but this is about me)..... and they have been married for close to 38 years. She says that parenting is the hardest thing she has ever done. She parented us semi-alone for the first 18 years of my life bc my dad worked out of town most of the time. But the difference is that my Dad still wanted to be a part of our life.....still went on vacation with us, took us fishing, made us chop firewood - spent time with us whenever humanly possible.....

My kids' dads suck. Really.

I am so sick and tired of them making promises to my kids and not following through.

Hunter's dad does not play games - he says straight up that he never wanted to be a dad & he does the best he can do. He does spend time with him occasionally & he will do just about anything I ask him to do for Hunter - financially. Emotionally & physically is a different story, but that's OK - Hunter is fairly well-adjusted and not really worse for the wear. Now that Hunter is a rotten teenager (LOL), his dad is spending a little more time with him - not sure if it is the tantrums I have had with him about it or him just realizing that Hunter will only be a kid for a short time...... Whatever it is, I am glad for it!!!

Kaileigh's dad takes her to speech once a week - which some might think is awesome & I do appreciate it, but it is more for show..... Anything that involves real time or real money or real attention is NOT happening...... He has 2 days of visitation every week, but usually only spends a few hours with her - if that.

It makes me sad for both my kids - but more for Kaileigh bc she has already lost a birth mother & a birth father... her dad CHOSE to be her dad when we adopted, but he is not acting like one..... I expect more out of him because of that.

Ugh.

I see Kaileigh's dad going down the same road Hunter's dad went down & I know how much that hurt Hunter when he was Kaileigh's age. Kaileigh is a lot more sensitive than Hunter was, too......

I know part of it is his illness. My friend Amy says that I let him by with way too much & make excuses for inexcusable behavior because he is bipolar, but it is one way that I rationalize it and it keeps me from killing him......

I'm Terrified - lol

Hunter is now in charge of our Netflix Queue......

Is that not terrifying?

I constantly forget that I have seen certain movies - maybe they are just that forgettable or maybe it is what Hunter says - that I am just that old.....

So after receiving the 3rd or 4th (I forget) movie in a row that we have seen before, I relinquished the reins of the Netflix queue to Hunter.....

He does not realize what a responsibility that is quite yet. LOL