Oh The LOVELY Life of a Single Mom

This morning, I was sick - just pukey and blah..... so we did not go to church.

Kaileigh was MAD! Hunter had a migraine, so he was OK with it.

Kaileigh is now an Alabama fan bc she figured that was the only thing that would make me take her to church! lol She will get over it.....

So.... her dad came over to pick her up (normal Sunday routine, but a few hours early) and also to repair some shelves he hung last week that fell....

As if that were not uncomfortable enough, a knock on the door & it was Hunter's dad coming to pay child support & research rifles.....

I can handle my ex-husbands fairly well one at a time, but dealing with them both at the same time is NOT FUN.....

Today was OK since they were in opposite ends of the house, but still - not pleasant entirely....

AND Kaileigh tried to introduce them to each other - she said "Hunter's Daddy, I would like you to meet MY Daddy - my 2 favorite Daddies together at last"...... I found it humorous, but Kaileigh's Daddy did NOT.

They both got finished with their projects and then sat in my living room for the longest time until I said "HEY! - Divorce means you don't live here anymore - is there a reason you guys are camping out?" LOL

It took them forever to finally leave - but then I got to spend the afternoon with Hunter watching bad movies and laughing about the crazy ways of men..... until Hunter reminded me that he would be a man soon..... then he took a nap & I had a small little panic attack.

Good times, I tell you, good times.......

This Mom Thing is HARD!!!!

I think Kaileigh has been taking lessons from her older brother.....

This morning, I told her she would need to go to extended day and I put a note in her backpack for her teacher. She said she was NOT going to extended day. I walked out of the room & came back to find her stuffing the note to her teacher under the couch.....

I said, "HEY! What are you doing?"
She said, "I am not going to extended day."
I said, "Even if the note does not go to school, you still have to go to extended day - I have to work."
She said, "I'll just walk home."

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo - when I picked her up at extended day later, she said, "Mrs. Smith would not let me walk home - I don't like you OR her."

She is sooooooooo saucy!

I don't know where she gets it.

Shut up.

I Have a Confession to Make......

I am a HUGE TV junkie. So several months ago, I started only watching what I TIVO - to cut down on some of that. I also only TIVO stuff I absolutely love.....

But it is still A LOT of TV.......

The last two weeks, we have been so busy that I have not watched any television (except cartoons & iCarly with Kaileigh, but really does that count????).....

I was amazed when I realized it last night....

Then Hunter burst my bubble.....

He said, "Umm, Mom - have you checked the TIVO lately?" I said "No, why?"

"Well, because of the Olympics, everything you record is in reruns anyway" (meaning that it would not record anyway)

Well, that stinks......

So I watched a mini-marathon of Ultimate Cake Off (the only thing that has recorded lately) and I guess that will have to do until next week.....

Hmmmm.

Today was a pretty good day - even though I did see my ex-husband a LOT more than I like to - but he seems to be coming back down off his manic episode, so it was not too bad.

So, like, the biggest thing on my mind right now is that I found out tonight that Wendy's Frosties now come in VANILLA!!!!! Umm - WHAT? That is just an absolute travesty...... Vanilla Frosties????? What's next? I mean really..... if it ain't broke, don't screw it up!!!!! lol

Oh & if you knew Wendy's now has vanilla frosties, don't burst my bubble & tell me please. My 6 year old saying "duh" to me about it was just about enough to push me over the edge!

For Once I am Speechless, sort of......

Today, my very awesome, very calm, always sane sister-in-law freaked out. I hurt so much for her......

Their house was burglarized about a month ago. My brother was off on a hunting weekend with my dad, our other brother, my son & my ex-husband. Lori & Owen would have been home except that Owen wanted to spend the night with his Grandmother......

Lori walked in the next morning to a total violation - drawers, closets, appliances, etc. all ransacked....$12,000 worth of stuff stolen.....

Well, they know who did it - they have known it for the whole time, but could not prove it - but now they caught the kids & found some of the stuff - the kids were breaking into another house when caught & they admitted to the burglary at Dale & Lori's......

It was their neighbor. A 16 year old drug addict who has been in & out of juvenile since he was 8 (amazing enough to me) and 2 of his buddies.

They have put their house on the market, but she lost it today when she was talking about it. She said she cannot continue to live in that house - ever.

She had some valid points. But she is also paralyzed by fear. She has been traumatized by this whole thing. I told her she has been in our family for too long - her family does not rant & rave, that is a McGriff thing..... She laughed, but she was still wildly upset.....

Court is tomorrow (which is quick - I am thinking it may just be an arraignment) - I hope Lori does not fall apart tomorrow if the judge is lenient...... To be truthful, I hope the judge is not lenient....

Please pray for Dale, Lori & Owen tomorrow.... I just want them to have some peace until their house sells!!!!!!!

This Season of Lent

I grew up in a Baptist church - really never thought about Lent. After all, wasn't that a Catholic thing??? lol

Well, many years ago, God led me & my family to a Methodist church. During that time, we observed Lent in a variety of ways. Basically, the idea is to fast, pray & serve others - to grow spiritually - to reawaken our hearts by Easter......

When I think of fasting, it has always been a complete foodless time.... umm, have you seen me? Yeah, no.....

But, what our congregation did was to give up something we loved - could be food, an activity, or whatever - it had to be something you would consider important enough to be considered a sacrifice....

Even though we no longer are in that church, Hunter & I still choose to observe Lent. I am giving up sweet tea (my addiction - lol) and soda (my substitute addiction)...... Hunter is giving up chocolate.

But the purpose is not to just give up something we like..... it is to give in to the will of God - to draw closer to Him, to reflect on His sacrifice for us each time we consciously choose not to partake of whatever it is.

I read a blog earlier today about this subject. The author wrote "Instead of seeing Lent as a season of obligation, let's look at it as a season of opportunity." That is what I hope to always do during Lent. That is what I strive for.

I love this time of year...... even though I will be suffering from withdrawals!!!!


"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you. " - James 4:8,10

Moving In

The kids & I have lived in this stark white-walled apartment for 18 months and I have not put a single picture on the wall...I have not decorated in any shape, form or fashion. It is sad really -

I realized this week that I was subconsciously thinking this was just a brief stop - like magically I would snap my fingers & get my old life back - my house, my marriage (maybe), my (foster) kids...... I don't know.....

Anyway, the marriage is dead, the only kids that are mine already live here and "my" house is now owned by someone else. This is where we live - not just where we are camping out briefly.....

So, we are moving in.... unpacking the photos & the "pretty-pretties" as my daughter calls them....

I realized also that in the downsizing, those pretty-pretties were the first things to go, so I guess I need to go shopping.....

I am so challenged when it comes to decorating, too, so this may be a rough month!!!!

LOL

Dating & the Single Mom

OK - Seriously..... we have all seen the movies, the TV shows, heard the horror stories, right? Well, who REALLY knew how tough it was out there? I mean, really???? I thought for sure it could not be that hard......

Then I got divorced.

Oh my!!!!!

Ok, so I have this friend who may or may not, umm, check out my dates to see if they have criminal records before I go out with them. And she also MIGHT check to see how many times they have been in civil or family court..... and I have another friend who possibly lets me know if I should date them.....like by checking their child abuse and neglect history.....

Yeah, I'm jaded. I was a foster parent for too long! I have seen the abuse by the mom's boyfriends.

Well, anywho.....

So, I am giving up dating. I am done. My daughter is 6 - I may try again in, umm, 13 years or so.....

Seriously.

So, you want to know who is out there right now???? Let me just tell you....

There was the guy I have known like my entire life who thought I would give up custody of my kids to date him. WHAT????? Umm, no - NEXT....

Then the guy who was too sick to go out and then got so upset when I went out to dinner with a friend (hey, I am NOT wasting a babysitter!!!!) that he threatened suicide..... NEXT......

And the guy who had been divorced 6 times..... (hey, I know, I am well on my way, but geeze......) I actually have stayed friends with him & he is a sweetheart, but no....... Oh & yeah, he has no kids...... so no clue how my life really works!!!! By the way - he is the reason we added the "family" court look-sees to the list of checks.....lol

And the guy who wanted me to marry him after like 3 dates..... which all occurred BEFORE my divorce was final....... (like in the 2 weeks before the court hearing)

And the guy who lived in a hotel ..... by choice.... I am sorry, I know that makes me terribly picky or something, but I just could not handle that.....

There are those who are WAY too interested in my kids...... RED FLAG!!!!!

And those who think kids should just disappear......

The one who called me after the first date demanding a BJ - umm, hello - that is NOT something you demand and especially not after a first date!!!!!

The MARRIED men who want me to just "forget" that they are married - after all, their wives "don't understand" them...... whatever. I don't understand you, either!!!

The unemployed - like perpetually unemployed - with no inclination or desire to get a job, like ever......

You learn a lot about men when you ask about their kids - the ones who first told me about child support before the actual kids - they were GONE>>>>>

Or the ones who told me what bitches their ex-wives were in the first conversation - GONE>>>>> They may be, but that is really more of a 5th or 6th date revelation! LOL I have enough baby-daddy drama, I don't need your baby-mama drama!!!! And really, seriously, I mean really, why would you tell a date how horrible your ex-spouse was?????? I know I gripe sometimes about my exes, but generally we get along a lot better now that we don't have to live together!!!!! I mean, the living together and the being all up in each other's faces 24/7 is pretty much the issue for me..... now that we live apart & don't have to deal with each other every day, I have a lot more patience for their idiocies..... lol

I was married from 1993-2009 - a little over 15 years - I NEVER thought I would be dating again. NEVER..... I never WANTED to be dating again...... I did not enjoy it all that much when I was a teenager...... lol

So yeah, I am done...... Oh & those are just the ones who passed the "background checks" lol - so, there are even more men out there that give me the heebie-jeebies.........

Crazy Love & Home Groups

Yep, they are connected - give me a minute......

First off, I go to a "home group" church. I was in a group for a while & then family obligations and other things led me out of that group. I am a tough fit - I have talked to our home group pastor about this before. I am a single mom. I have a teenager. I have a kindergartener. I think divorce sucks. For a lot of reasons, but especially in the church.... I did not choose this road, but that is not what this is about. So I was out of a group for a while. I feel led to be in a group, but not sure where I belong, so I have been meeting with a great group (not just saying that bc one of them reads my blog often). Not sure it is the group for me or me for them. I am praying about it. Join me in that.

Honestly, I think I am turned off to the whole idea of this church bc of the creep. Of course, there are creeps in every church. There are creeps everywhere. I have to get past this sooner or later.... really.....

Anyway, so this group is reading an AWESOME book.... Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Thanks to Ashley for suggesting it.

I have just gotten stuck on something I read this weekend & just cannot get past it......

The quote that just punched me in the stomach is "Both worry and stress reek of arrogance." WOW - way to go, Christy - you are ALWAYS stressed and ALWAYS worried...... I have read and reread the explanations and I understand it, but never thought of it like that.

See, I am one of those people who pray A LOT.... I pray constantly - not a "Oh please, don't let that cop see me run this redlight" kind of constant, but like a constant "Thank you for my blessings.....please remember Jane, John, Billy, Bob.......etc......." I also spend specific time each day asking God for specific things and thanking him for specific things. But, you know, when you turn things over to God in prayer, the whole idea is that you leave it with Him - trust Him to do what needs to be done, you know? Well, not me - I pray, then I just take that issue, problem, worry or whatever with me bc, well, honestly, do you know how many people pray to God every day? I think after reading this, I realized that I don't think my problems are too big for God, but more that my problems are too small for God to be interested in. Even though they are huge to me at times, I have always felt like they really are insignificant in the scheme of things and that *I* am the only person who cares about them.

Wow - now really, how is that trusting God? How is that loving God? How is that having a real, relevant relationship with God?

So I am working on it.

I have finally turned 2 serious issues in my life over to God and not picked them back up to carry them myself. I feel relieved of the stress and I realized that actually neither one of them are *my* issue anyway - one is related to my ex-husband's mental health and the other is related to my daughter's birth mother being pregnant.

Now, I am still concerned about David taking his medication and going to therapy, but I am not worried or stressed about it because honestly, it is just not my issue. And while I am still concerned about Kaileigh's sibling, that is not really my issue either. I cannot let those issues steal my joy.....

So I feel like God led me to this group at least for a season...... He always does that - leads me right where I need to be when I need to be there. Now, if I just always listened or followed, I would be doing well.........

Snow - in Alabama, even!

Here are just a few pictures of the kids playing in the snow today.

Yep, I *AM* the same woman who said "Oh, it is Alabama, the last time it snowed was in 1993 - it is NOT going to stick." Yep, I stand corrected.











Even better, my parents drove through the snow to go to the beach - after saying the same thing. My dad was pretty ill with my mom. Especially since he wanted to leave yesterday, but she said "Oh no, it will not snow - this is Alabama."


I love the snow, but hate to drive in it. Especially in my new car. So we are not leaving the house until maybe Tuesday - lol. Well, whenever the roads clear up & dry up completely!!!





By the way, the only reason it snowed is because I did not buy bread. (It's an Alabama thing...)

Insomnia

I can't sleep.
I have not slept at all in about 4 days.
I do not see that changing tonight.

Ugh.

Yay - Bambi!

My mom asked me a couple of days ago if my freezer was clean. I was offended. Well, really, I was pretty sure she knew it was not clean.... is my freezer EVER clean?????

So she then said those magic words, "I was going to bring you some venison if you had room for it."

My freezer was cleaned out this morning.

I called my mom to tell her.

She brought me 3 bags full of venison.

I am happy!

She also brought fish - the kids will be *thrilled*. They don't like fish, well, not "real" fish that was caught in the river. What? As opposed to what? Fish that was caught in the ocean? Umm, no, they don't like that kind either.

Yet they have no problem eating Bambi.

Go figure.

Well, What do you want me to do about it?????

Kaileigh's biological aunt told me today that her sister (K's birth mom) is pregnant. Again. This is the 4th time she has told me this - and the first 3 ended up not going to term (or else she was never pregnant).

I am not sure what to do with this information. I told T what I know, which is.... Since DHR forcibly terminated parental rights with Kaileigh, then they have the right and the obligation to remove this child from her custody at birth.

I am so freaked out, though. We went through this last year - I was freaked out & upset & trying to decide what I was going to do (as the adoptive mom to K, I have first "choice" whether or not to adopt if they do terminate rights for any of her birth siblings). I really do not want to go through all that craziness again.

All of those emotions.

All of that guilt.

This is going to sound horrid & I know it does. I cannot adopt another one of Krystle's children. I cannot.

I love Kaileigh. I adore her - you know that.

But deep down, in the pit of my heart & soul, I know that there is no way I want to have an infant at 37 or 38 years old. No way.

Not only that, but the probability of issues (medical, mental & learning) is high - too high. I have my hands full with Hunter, Kaileigh and the biggest kid of all - myself!!!!

I don't want to have to explain myself to DHR. I don't want to have to explain myself to Krystle. A simple "No thank you" will not cut it with them - any of them. I don't want to have to explain myself to Kaileigh some day.

I do not see any way at all that Krystle can parent a child. She was not able to do it with Kaileigh & we still see the effects of her neglect. She did not feed or care for her properly - even in the hospital with nurses directing her every step of the way, even in a home for teenaged mothers with the houseparents reminding her of everything that needs to be done.

I feel for her bc I know that she has never gotten over the pain of losing Kaileigh. She does love her. It also concerns me for Kaileigh - I mean - what if she cannot ever be a mom? What if she is more & more like Krystle as she ages, less and less able to care for herself or anyone else. It breaks my heart.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that some lucky couple out there will get the dream of their dreams if they are able to adopt Kaileigh's sibling. I know that somewhere out there there is a couple who is praying for a child and will be beyond thrilled. I know that it is for the best if that is what happens.

But that means that Kaileigh will never know her sibling (or siblings) and that hurts me, too. I know that some day I will have to tell her why I did not adopt her brother or sister, too..... I know that some day she will want to know who or where they are. I won't have those answers for her.

UGH - I really wish Tina would keep this stuff to herself until Krystle is officially in labor. There is nothing I can do about it now - other than worry it around in circles.......

Please dear God, take this worry from me! Please allow Krystle to have a healthy pregnancy this time and a healthy baby. Please help those in charge to make the best decision for Krystle and the child. Please keep Kaileigh's sibling safe. I want to give this to you, God.

Some Observations from This Week

Everyone knows how to raise a teenager - if they do not have one living in their home!!!!!

Same goes with a disabled child, any child or a pet!

Time flies - when you have an important deadline!!!!

If we are supposed to be a friendly bank, why are the pens on chains?

If it really is true "What does not break me, makes me stronger" then I should be able to beat Hercules in a wrestling match right about now.

It is better to face a problem head on - or you can do what I do..... avoid, evade & pretend it does not exist!

You can raise children in the same home, with the same rules and try to instill the same values and still end up with one who is so far off that path that you are not sure you will ever find them again!!!!!

The same faults you are most concerned with in yourself are surely to be repeated in your children!

Teenagers are God's way of reminding us of how much pain we caused our own parents!