Snow - in Alabama, even!

Here are just a few pictures of the kids playing in the snow today.

Yep, I *AM* the same woman who said "Oh, it is Alabama, the last time it snowed was in 1993 - it is NOT going to stick." Yep, I stand corrected.











Even better, my parents drove through the snow to go to the beach - after saying the same thing. My dad was pretty ill with my mom. Especially since he wanted to leave yesterday, but she said "Oh no, it will not snow - this is Alabama."


I love the snow, but hate to drive in it. Especially in my new car. So we are not leaving the house until maybe Tuesday - lol. Well, whenever the roads clear up & dry up completely!!!





By the way, the only reason it snowed is because I did not buy bread. (It's an Alabama thing...)

Insomnia

I can't sleep.
I have not slept at all in about 4 days.
I do not see that changing tonight.

Ugh.

Yay - Bambi!

My mom asked me a couple of days ago if my freezer was clean. I was offended. Well, really, I was pretty sure she knew it was not clean.... is my freezer EVER clean?????

So she then said those magic words, "I was going to bring you some venison if you had room for it."

My freezer was cleaned out this morning.

I called my mom to tell her.

She brought me 3 bags full of venison.

I am happy!

She also brought fish - the kids will be *thrilled*. They don't like fish, well, not "real" fish that was caught in the river. What? As opposed to what? Fish that was caught in the ocean? Umm, no, they don't like that kind either.

Yet they have no problem eating Bambi.

Go figure.

Well, What do you want me to do about it?????

Kaileigh's biological aunt told me today that her sister (K's birth mom) is pregnant. Again. This is the 4th time she has told me this - and the first 3 ended up not going to term (or else she was never pregnant).

I am not sure what to do with this information. I told T what I know, which is.... Since DHR forcibly terminated parental rights with Kaileigh, then they have the right and the obligation to remove this child from her custody at birth.

I am so freaked out, though. We went through this last year - I was freaked out & upset & trying to decide what I was going to do (as the adoptive mom to K, I have first "choice" whether or not to adopt if they do terminate rights for any of her birth siblings). I really do not want to go through all that craziness again.

All of those emotions.

All of that guilt.

This is going to sound horrid & I know it does. I cannot adopt another one of Krystle's children. I cannot.

I love Kaileigh. I adore her - you know that.

But deep down, in the pit of my heart & soul, I know that there is no way I want to have an infant at 37 or 38 years old. No way.

Not only that, but the probability of issues (medical, mental & learning) is high - too high. I have my hands full with Hunter, Kaileigh and the biggest kid of all - myself!!!!

I don't want to have to explain myself to DHR. I don't want to have to explain myself to Krystle. A simple "No thank you" will not cut it with them - any of them. I don't want to have to explain myself to Kaileigh some day.

I do not see any way at all that Krystle can parent a child. She was not able to do it with Kaileigh & we still see the effects of her neglect. She did not feed or care for her properly - even in the hospital with nurses directing her every step of the way, even in a home for teenaged mothers with the houseparents reminding her of everything that needs to be done.

I feel for her bc I know that she has never gotten over the pain of losing Kaileigh. She does love her. It also concerns me for Kaileigh - I mean - what if she cannot ever be a mom? What if she is more & more like Krystle as she ages, less and less able to care for herself or anyone else. It breaks my heart.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that some lucky couple out there will get the dream of their dreams if they are able to adopt Kaileigh's sibling. I know that somewhere out there there is a couple who is praying for a child and will be beyond thrilled. I know that it is for the best if that is what happens.

But that means that Kaileigh will never know her sibling (or siblings) and that hurts me, too. I know that some day I will have to tell her why I did not adopt her brother or sister, too..... I know that some day she will want to know who or where they are. I won't have those answers for her.

UGH - I really wish Tina would keep this stuff to herself until Krystle is officially in labor. There is nothing I can do about it now - other than worry it around in circles.......

Please dear God, take this worry from me! Please allow Krystle to have a healthy pregnancy this time and a healthy baby. Please help those in charge to make the best decision for Krystle and the child. Please keep Kaileigh's sibling safe. I want to give this to you, God.

Some Observations from This Week

Everyone knows how to raise a teenager - if they do not have one living in their home!!!!!

Same goes with a disabled child, any child or a pet!

Time flies - when you have an important deadline!!!!

If we are supposed to be a friendly bank, why are the pens on chains?

If it really is true "What does not break me, makes me stronger" then I should be able to beat Hercules in a wrestling match right about now.

It is better to face a problem head on - or you can do what I do..... avoid, evade & pretend it does not exist!

You can raise children in the same home, with the same rules and try to instill the same values and still end up with one who is so far off that path that you are not sure you will ever find them again!!!!!

The same faults you are most concerned with in yourself are surely to be repeated in your children!

Teenagers are God's way of reminding us of how much pain we caused our own parents!

Conversations with a Teenager - Seriously folks, you cannot make this stuff up!!!!!

From Friday:

Me "Hunter, you have to decide - are you going hunting this weekend or not."
H - "Is it raining?"
Me "YES"
H- "I bet it will be cold, too."
Me - "Probably"
H - "Is Uncle Dale going?" (My brother Dale is the designated cook on these weekends - if he does not go, the men all starve!!! lol)
Me - "I am not sure"

(we are all slowly growing older as we wait for Hunter to speak again) -

H - "I want to go hunting, but not if it's raining or cold."
Me - "OK - I'll let them know"
H - "Don't tell them why - then they will think I'm not a REAL hunter."

(long pause)

"Maybe I should just go - you don't think I will get wet, do you?"


yeah - I did not let him go. He's blond, too, by the way!!!





From today:

Me (on phone with the ex, relaying info to the said teenager) "Dad wants to know if you want to go to dinner for Papaw's birthday"
H "Where are they going?"
Me "Not sure, but they are leaving in 20 minutes, will you be hungry?" (We had just had a HUGE lunch)
H "I don't know - depends on where they are going."
Me (after getting the info from the ex) "OK - Red Lobster?"
H "Sure, I'll go - but tell him I want dessert & an appetizer."
The Ex "Gee - tell him thanks for gracing us with his presence - glad he approves of our choice."
Me "Welcome to my world."



Aren't teens fun????

Now you know why I talk more about my 6 year old!!!

I love my kids.
Today was Sanctity of Human Life Sunday at our church.

It made me think about my own experiences with abortion - let me explain.

I got married in 1993 while I was a college junior. 11 months later, we found out we were expecting. My then husband freaked out. We were both in college, both worked full time & had little to no money - probably bc we spent it all on take-out & CDs. LOL My parents freaked out. My then SIL freaked out bc she was supposed to have the first grandchild (she was older than my husband - still haven't figured that out). My advisor freaked out. I was at risk of losing my scholarships - bc of the morality clause - excuse me???? I WAS MARRIED!!! anyway.... back to the subject at hand......

Abortion was mentioned & immediately, I dug in & said NO.....

Hunter was born 9 months (felt more like 9 years) later - seriously - that had to have been the longest recorded pregnancy on earth.... What on earth would I do without him? He is an awesome kid. Yeah, there are days I could just smack him, but he is an awesome kid. He has a heart for God and I know he will do great things once he grows into himself...... I love my son.

Then there is Kaileigh. You guys know she was adopted. Her birth parents are both diagnosed with mental retardation. They were teens and they were not married. The families live below poverty level and she was known to have congenital heart defects before she was born. Kaileigh's birth mom was advised to abort her. DHR offered to pay for it. Medicaid offered to pay for it. The OB/GYN office offered to do it for free. I thank God every day that she refused to do it.

Kaileigh has had a rough life - she has had multiple surgeries, we do tons of breathing treatments, we do speech therapy, occupational therapy, we see 7 medical specialists regularly...... But you know what, everyone who has ever met her has been touched by her heart, her spirit. Everyone who has regular contact with her is changed for the better.

She was fearfully and wonderfully made for a purpose that God determined before He even formed the world. So were we all. I am so privileged to be the mother of this special child.