This Season of Lent

I grew up in a Baptist church - really never thought about Lent. After all, wasn't that a Catholic thing??? lol

Well, many years ago, God led me & my family to a Methodist church. During that time, we observed Lent in a variety of ways. Basically, the idea is to fast, pray & serve others - to grow spiritually - to reawaken our hearts by Easter......

When I think of fasting, it has always been a complete foodless time.... umm, have you seen me? Yeah, no.....

But, what our congregation did was to give up something we loved - could be food, an activity, or whatever - it had to be something you would consider important enough to be considered a sacrifice....

Even though we no longer are in that church, Hunter & I still choose to observe Lent. I am giving up sweet tea (my addiction - lol) and soda (my substitute addiction)...... Hunter is giving up chocolate.

But the purpose is not to just give up something we like..... it is to give in to the will of God - to draw closer to Him, to reflect on His sacrifice for us each time we consciously choose not to partake of whatever it is.

I read a blog earlier today about this subject. The author wrote "Instead of seeing Lent as a season of obligation, let's look at it as a season of opportunity." That is what I hope to always do during Lent. That is what I strive for.

I love this time of year...... even though I will be suffering from withdrawals!!!!


"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you. " - James 4:8,10

Moving In

The kids & I have lived in this stark white-walled apartment for 18 months and I have not put a single picture on the wall...I have not decorated in any shape, form or fashion. It is sad really -

I realized this week that I was subconsciously thinking this was just a brief stop - like magically I would snap my fingers & get my old life back - my house, my marriage (maybe), my (foster) kids...... I don't know.....

Anyway, the marriage is dead, the only kids that are mine already live here and "my" house is now owned by someone else. This is where we live - not just where we are camping out briefly.....

So, we are moving in.... unpacking the photos & the "pretty-pretties" as my daughter calls them....

I realized also that in the downsizing, those pretty-pretties were the first things to go, so I guess I need to go shopping.....

I am so challenged when it comes to decorating, too, so this may be a rough month!!!!

LOL

Dating & the Single Mom

OK - Seriously..... we have all seen the movies, the TV shows, heard the horror stories, right? Well, who REALLY knew how tough it was out there? I mean, really???? I thought for sure it could not be that hard......

Then I got divorced.

Oh my!!!!!

Ok, so I have this friend who may or may not, umm, check out my dates to see if they have criminal records before I go out with them. And she also MIGHT check to see how many times they have been in civil or family court..... and I have another friend who possibly lets me know if I should date them.....like by checking their child abuse and neglect history.....

Yeah, I'm jaded. I was a foster parent for too long! I have seen the abuse by the mom's boyfriends.

Well, anywho.....

So, I am giving up dating. I am done. My daughter is 6 - I may try again in, umm, 13 years or so.....

Seriously.

So, you want to know who is out there right now???? Let me just tell you....

There was the guy I have known like my entire life who thought I would give up custody of my kids to date him. WHAT????? Umm, no - NEXT....

Then the guy who was too sick to go out and then got so upset when I went out to dinner with a friend (hey, I am NOT wasting a babysitter!!!!) that he threatened suicide..... NEXT......

And the guy who had been divorced 6 times..... (hey, I know, I am well on my way, but geeze......) I actually have stayed friends with him & he is a sweetheart, but no....... Oh & yeah, he has no kids...... so no clue how my life really works!!!! By the way - he is the reason we added the "family" court look-sees to the list of checks.....lol

And the guy who wanted me to marry him after like 3 dates..... which all occurred BEFORE my divorce was final....... (like in the 2 weeks before the court hearing)

And the guy who lived in a hotel ..... by choice.... I am sorry, I know that makes me terribly picky or something, but I just could not handle that.....

There are those who are WAY too interested in my kids...... RED FLAG!!!!!

And those who think kids should just disappear......

The one who called me after the first date demanding a BJ - umm, hello - that is NOT something you demand and especially not after a first date!!!!!

The MARRIED men who want me to just "forget" that they are married - after all, their wives "don't understand" them...... whatever. I don't understand you, either!!!

The unemployed - like perpetually unemployed - with no inclination or desire to get a job, like ever......

You learn a lot about men when you ask about their kids - the ones who first told me about child support before the actual kids - they were GONE>>>>>

Or the ones who told me what bitches their ex-wives were in the first conversation - GONE>>>>> They may be, but that is really more of a 5th or 6th date revelation! LOL I have enough baby-daddy drama, I don't need your baby-mama drama!!!! And really, seriously, I mean really, why would you tell a date how horrible your ex-spouse was?????? I know I gripe sometimes about my exes, but generally we get along a lot better now that we don't have to live together!!!!! I mean, the living together and the being all up in each other's faces 24/7 is pretty much the issue for me..... now that we live apart & don't have to deal with each other every day, I have a lot more patience for their idiocies..... lol

I was married from 1993-2009 - a little over 15 years - I NEVER thought I would be dating again. NEVER..... I never WANTED to be dating again...... I did not enjoy it all that much when I was a teenager...... lol

So yeah, I am done...... Oh & those are just the ones who passed the "background checks" lol - so, there are even more men out there that give me the heebie-jeebies.........

Crazy Love & Home Groups

Yep, they are connected - give me a minute......

First off, I go to a "home group" church. I was in a group for a while & then family obligations and other things led me out of that group. I am a tough fit - I have talked to our home group pastor about this before. I am a single mom. I have a teenager. I have a kindergartener. I think divorce sucks. For a lot of reasons, but especially in the church.... I did not choose this road, but that is not what this is about. So I was out of a group for a while. I feel led to be in a group, but not sure where I belong, so I have been meeting with a great group (not just saying that bc one of them reads my blog often). Not sure it is the group for me or me for them. I am praying about it. Join me in that.

Honestly, I think I am turned off to the whole idea of this church bc of the creep. Of course, there are creeps in every church. There are creeps everywhere. I have to get past this sooner or later.... really.....

Anyway, so this group is reading an AWESOME book.... Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Thanks to Ashley for suggesting it.

I have just gotten stuck on something I read this weekend & just cannot get past it......

The quote that just punched me in the stomach is "Both worry and stress reek of arrogance." WOW - way to go, Christy - you are ALWAYS stressed and ALWAYS worried...... I have read and reread the explanations and I understand it, but never thought of it like that.

See, I am one of those people who pray A LOT.... I pray constantly - not a "Oh please, don't let that cop see me run this redlight" kind of constant, but like a constant "Thank you for my blessings.....please remember Jane, John, Billy, Bob.......etc......." I also spend specific time each day asking God for specific things and thanking him for specific things. But, you know, when you turn things over to God in prayer, the whole idea is that you leave it with Him - trust Him to do what needs to be done, you know? Well, not me - I pray, then I just take that issue, problem, worry or whatever with me bc, well, honestly, do you know how many people pray to God every day? I think after reading this, I realized that I don't think my problems are too big for God, but more that my problems are too small for God to be interested in. Even though they are huge to me at times, I have always felt like they really are insignificant in the scheme of things and that *I* am the only person who cares about them.

Wow - now really, how is that trusting God? How is that loving God? How is that having a real, relevant relationship with God?

So I am working on it.

I have finally turned 2 serious issues in my life over to God and not picked them back up to carry them myself. I feel relieved of the stress and I realized that actually neither one of them are *my* issue anyway - one is related to my ex-husband's mental health and the other is related to my daughter's birth mother being pregnant.

Now, I am still concerned about David taking his medication and going to therapy, but I am not worried or stressed about it because honestly, it is just not my issue. And while I am still concerned about Kaileigh's sibling, that is not really my issue either. I cannot let those issues steal my joy.....

So I feel like God led me to this group at least for a season...... He always does that - leads me right where I need to be when I need to be there. Now, if I just always listened or followed, I would be doing well.........

Snow - in Alabama, even!

Here are just a few pictures of the kids playing in the snow today.

Yep, I *AM* the same woman who said "Oh, it is Alabama, the last time it snowed was in 1993 - it is NOT going to stick." Yep, I stand corrected.











Even better, my parents drove through the snow to go to the beach - after saying the same thing. My dad was pretty ill with my mom. Especially since he wanted to leave yesterday, but she said "Oh no, it will not snow - this is Alabama."


I love the snow, but hate to drive in it. Especially in my new car. So we are not leaving the house until maybe Tuesday - lol. Well, whenever the roads clear up & dry up completely!!!





By the way, the only reason it snowed is because I did not buy bread. (It's an Alabama thing...)

Insomnia

I can't sleep.
I have not slept at all in about 4 days.
I do not see that changing tonight.

Ugh.

Yay - Bambi!

My mom asked me a couple of days ago if my freezer was clean. I was offended. Well, really, I was pretty sure she knew it was not clean.... is my freezer EVER clean?????

So she then said those magic words, "I was going to bring you some venison if you had room for it."

My freezer was cleaned out this morning.

I called my mom to tell her.

She brought me 3 bags full of venison.

I am happy!

She also brought fish - the kids will be *thrilled*. They don't like fish, well, not "real" fish that was caught in the river. What? As opposed to what? Fish that was caught in the ocean? Umm, no, they don't like that kind either.

Yet they have no problem eating Bambi.

Go figure.