Gays Are Mad At Me

I sent my daughter to her room with a movie a little earlier than usual Thursday night bc she was EXHAUSTED.... well, and exhaustING - LOL.......

She comes back into the living room with her hands on her hips, lips poked out & asks
"Are you going to watch Gays Are Mad At Me without me, Mommy?"

Yes, my kindergartener knows that Grey's Anatomy comes on on Thursday nights apparently.


And she was right, I did watch it without her.



She is still angry about it.

The Capital of Alabama

My daughter is hilarious.
Really.
Without even trying.
I am jealous.

Anywho.....

Earlier this week, I was in a rush getting her ready for school & trying desperately to get her to put on her jacket. The following is our conversation.

Me - Kaileigh, put on your jacket.
K - I don't need a jacket - it's too hot outside for a jacket, Mom. (Keep in mind it was in the 40s at this point & the high was going to be mid-50s)
Me - WHY do you think that?
K - Because I know everything.
Me - (Laughing) Oh yeah? Do you know the capital of North Dakota?
K - Uhh - that's not important, we don't live in North Dakota, MOTHER. (Yep, she has inherited my son's most annoying habit of calling me MOTHER in that drippy, sarcastic way that makes it sound like a really, really, really nasty word).
Me - Ok, then, Ms. SmartyPants, Do you know the capital of Alabama?
K - (Utterly exasperated with me, puts her hands on her hips) OF COURSE I DO, MOTHER....
Me - Well, what is it?
K - (DEEEEEEEEEP sigh) It's AUBURN, silly!!

I laughed until I hurt.
I think it is awesome that she thinks that.
I forgot to correct her.

Autumn Cleaning

Well, we have all heard of spring cleaning - I am doing some serious autumn cleaning.....

I am cleaning out my closet tomorrow - and dumping all the clothes I will never wear, getting rid of the clothes that are 4 sizes too big from the weight I lost last year and getting rid of the shoes that I no longer love. I was just holding onto them because I was certain I would fail - that I would regain all of that weight & need those clothes. I have more faith in myself than that right now.

I am cleaning up my schedule - getting rid of the serious time wasters and adding in some more family time and more quiet time. Seriously, why do we hold onto old habits - bad habits - is it just because we have always done it that way? I am learning the art of saying "no" and protecting MY time with my kids.

I have cleaned up my TIVO - this one hurt A LOT - along the line of the time wasters, I now only TIVO stuff I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to watch AND we are ONLY watching TIVOed shows. This is one of those OLD BAD habits - the TV was on to drown out what we did not want to discuss, see or hear.... TV is a tool to use, just like this computer is a tool, now I will use them to serve me - not me to serve them.....

I have come clean about something that had been weighing heavily on me - and tossed out the anger and the shame that went along with it. WOW - it is amazing how much anger one can feel over certain situations and how much shame - how much we do not want others to know when we have been manipulated and taken advantage of.

I have also cleansed myself of a toxic relationship. I finally feel released from my marriage by God. I am free of that whole situation. I hope that somewhere down the line, I will know why God held me to that commitment for as long as he did, even after the legal divorce was final, but for now, I will just be happy that He has released me. We will remain friendly - we have been friends for close to 25 years and we have a child to consider - but he ended the marriage long ago - the divorce last year was really a formality. Thanks be to God that He showed me that - that He allowed me to see the truth and that He gave me the strength to make the decisions I have had to make in this situation.

I am so very thankful to God for all the blessings of my life. My children are the joy of my existence. My son is a brilliant, empathetic creature who cares so much for others. My daughter is a walking miracle - she is kind-hearted and emotional and, oh my, does she love Jesus with all her heart! I am relatively healthy. I have a job that not only provides comic relief, but also provides me with money to care for my kids and the time to spend with them.

A friend sent me a very awesome e-mail last week & this is an excerpt from it. I want to leave you with this bc it was very powerful for me. (I think it is TD Jakes, but I am not positive):

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.. You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something.. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains .......

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth......

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you.

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge.....

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction... ..

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents

LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude.... ...

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him.........

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship. ....

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.. ....

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed ............

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying 'take your hands off of it,' then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

Hmmm - and this is my fault how exactly?????

My 14 year old has taken advantage of my awesomeness for too long....apparently he removed the parental controls from his computer and I found out Friday.

So.... I installed BETTER parental controls AND 2 different sets - LOL!!! PLUS his laptop now lives in the living room. The parental controls allow me to set the times he is allowed to log in on his laptop. AWESOME - may I say, AWESOME idea!!!

So.... last night, he had a rough draft for a research paper to type. He started at 3:30. Did no chores yesterday bc it was "urgent" and would only "take another 15 minutes" - whatever.... He was fiddle-farting around all day. So... at 6:30, I told him that his computer automatically will shut down at 10. I reminded him at 7:30, 8:30 & 9:30. By the way, this is a 5 page paper - someone could have chiseled this thing in granite in 6 hours!

At 10 pm, shock of shocks, the computer locked him down. Little bugger could not figure out a way around the parental controls, so he starts ranting & raving at me how *****I***** have ruined his life and caused him to fail.....

Wrong answer, boyfriend!

I have been calm since Friday - my house is clean - but I have been calm. I have not raised my voice, I have not beaten him, I have been calm and AWESOME - have I mentioned that I am an AWESOME mom????

But this, this, this made me lose it.... So he demanded that I send a note to his teacher. (I could have overridden the parental controls and printed out his paper, but I am an evil mom & enjoy seeing my children fail - yeah, right!). Here is the note I sent:

"Hunter will turn in his rough draft a day late. He is not allowed on the computer after 10 pm and since he piddled away the afternoon, he did not get it typed before the parental controls locked him out. Since I am the world's worst mother, I thought you should know that it is all my fault he is going to fail. It has absolutely nothing to do with the 6 hours he spent pretending to type to get out of doing his chores."

So, do you think he gave it to her????? LOL

Chit Chat over Coffee

I met a friend for coffee today and man did we talk..... We are chatters by nature anyway, but today we talked for an hour and a half & hit some pretty hard subjects and some pretty deep ones. Here's the thing. I did not set out to talk to her about issues that have been occurring lately, but God knew that I needed to spill to someone in the body, someone who would answer in the Word, not of the flesh. And he created an opportunity, an opening for the exact situation to be expressed - it was too perfect not to be of God.....

After talking it out with her, I felt I needed to repost and expound on something I had posted previously......
From a previous blog:
Husbands - women who are single sometimes troll churches seeking good Christian men - most of whom are still married. Sorry, but if your wife says someone seems to be after you - you need to put up some boundaries or hedges and listen to your wife. Women are more intuitive about this than you guys are - just the way we are made!
Wives - look at the reasons your husband could be swayed. Is he needing more attention from you? Who is the most important person in your marriage - if you answer ANYONE other than God or your spouse, you are looking in the wrong place. My pastor put it best - there is only room for 3 people in that wedding ring of yours - you, your spouse & God!!!!

Ok - to put a different spin on it:
There are MEN in the church who troll churches for lonely women - whether they be single, divorced, married or what have you. There are predators out there everywhere and we have to protect ourselves and put hedges and boundaries up all around.

We women are often helpers by nature and by the time we realize "Uh-oh, wait a minute" - it can go from helping & advice to totally inappropriate, crossing a line in an instant.

I was there. I crossed a line without realizing it until I was way, way across that line. I tried to gracefully stop it and tried to be nice about it, but with some people, you absolutely cannot be nice. I am constantly learning that the hard way.

Particularly with divorced or single women, we have to protect ourselves, we have to have boundaries and we have to guard those with our lives. In talking with my friend today, I realized that I am not the only person this has happened to, even in our congregation. When I started telling the situation to her, she immediately knew who I was talking about. She immediately told me her experience with it. She immediately knew the issue. She also lambasted me for not telling her & her husband while the issue was occurring so that they could have helped me address it.

So, I have been deeply unburdened. I love that God created an opportunity for me to tell my friend what happened, discuss it with her, tell her what I had already done to address it and get her opinion about what else to do.

God is such an awesome God even when we are so far out of obedience with Him. I am constantly reminded of that - as I am walking back to that obedient place.....

Oh AND Kaileigh has a new very, very good, dear friend - who happens to be a boy....

OMG - we went to the Pumpkin Patch yesterday with a million kindergarteners - maybe more like 150, but it really felt like a million!!!!
You know Kaileigh is a shrimp, right - a tiny, short thing? Anywho, this boy was so, so tall - taller than a 3rd grader for sure. He was so protective of her - "Stop, don't push Kaileigh" when all the kids (including my precious angel) were pushing & shoving. "Hey, it's Kaileigh's turn - back up" when I am not so sure it WAS Kaileigh's turn. "Kaileigh, come sit by me" - "Kaileigh, let's do this together" etc, etc. etc.
And his name is Caleb - Kaileigh & Caleb - how cutesy!

ANYWAY, so I thought it was cute & his mom thought it was cute (which is great since she is Kaileigh's teacher this year - LOL).

They were talking about movies on the hayride - and even though Kaileigh has speech issues, they were carrying on this little adult-like conversation about movies - like they were on a date or something. Then Kaileigh got a little excited & started rattling on & on & was hard to follow. Caleb touched her arm & said "Kaileigh, slow down & let me catch up." It was so sweet.... it was so awesome....

I think **I** love Caleb - if they were a little older, I would be gathering her dowry! Seriously, well, yeah, seriously!!!!


LOL

Oh, I forgot the BEST part. So I asked Kaileigh about Caleb & she said "Moooooom, he is NOT my boyfriend! He is just my very, very good, dear friend who is a boy." OK, then! What about the hand holding & hugging & sweetness????? "Mom, you are way, way too silly - we did not hold hands."

So now, I need my eyes checked apparently.

Seriously???

I finally got to go to church this past Sunday morning - realized it had been about 6 weeks since I had been. I know I was out of town one week & had the flu one week, but those other weeks - we let things get in the way of church - like Kaileigh was sick, but geeze, Kaileigh is always sick - she has asthma & 3 different types of heart conditions - she has not missed school, so why did we miss church????? Ugh - just ugh.

I have some social anxieties anyway, but I realized Sunday that the reason I have not been to church is that I am avoiding someone. Hmm - not a good reason. Well, maybe a good reason if you know the story. Which I am not getting into here. For a lot of reasons.

So now, I know & I can work on it. Pray that I can address it with the person & get past what happened.

But seriously? I let my issues with someone else's behavior, or rather misbehavior, affect MY worship experience. What is up with that? Why do I do that? I tend to allow myself to become overly involved with other people & internalize their issues. Seriously? Ugh, darn my parents & their teaching empathy & love.......